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以前我總懷抱著一種謬誤的心態,認為促使書本裡情節推演的事件,在真實
                                                                               
人生中是不必要的存在,就好像一艘航行的小船,風可以推波助瀾,但就算
                                                                               
風不吹,船仍然飄搖著移動,往大海想去的方向。
                                                                               
                                                                               
為什麼唸文學的我連這麼簡單的道理也忘了?
                                                                               
                                                                               
作家需要情節來讓角色移動。就像口白人生裡的哈洛,在敘述者的口白中渡
                                                                               
過色彩並不鮮明的日子,日復一日,年復一年,直到毫無事件發生的人生開
                                                                               
始要因為一連串事件的降落而生變。這個稅務員的人生或許並沒有太大的問

題,但當故事要被呈現的時候,沒有事件,就沒有故事。敘述者只好告訴你
                                                                               
:事件將要發生,我的角色將要思考,而他的人生因此在事件的推波助瀾之下
                                                                               
往某個堅定的方向而去,不管結局是好是壞。
                                                                               
                                                                               
作者給了角色某種情境,而角色就隨著自己的性格發展故事,於是性格就帶
                                                                               
來了新的遭遇新的互動。
                                                                               
                                                                               
當然,哈洛這木訥善良的孩子獲得意料之外的愛情,短暫的柔情蜜意和夢想
                                                                               
的原型在嶄新的情節中發生,但敘事者總是尋求新的變化和更新的情節,於
                                                                               
哈洛被設定好的情節引導往悲劇的方向走去。
                                                                               
                                                                               
生而為人的自主性,會若有似無地影響悲劇的發生或喜劇的發生;更重要的
                                                                               
是,在筆記本上用正字號記下comedy和tragedy的數量,也往往不能總結人

生最後究竟該以"悲劇"兩字來總結,或以"喜劇"作收,而是更繁複的運作,
                                                                               
活生生的complex。這就是哈洛的故事給我的最大啟示。
                                                                               
                                                                               
這也是人生有趣的地方;負負可以得正,正正可以得負,負正可以得正,負
                                                                               
正也可以得負。
                                                                               
                                                                               
"Show me a hero, and I will write you a tragedy."費茲傑羅是這麼說
                                                                               
的。主角本身是這麼重要,連一齣悲劇也需要角色的自由意志。怎麼辦,這
                                                                               
下子完全不夠格成為費滋傑羅筆下的悲劇人物了。
                                                                               
                                                                               
我這才發現,不讓事件發生並不是杜絕悲劇發生的方式。
                                                                               
                                                                               
老實說我曾經有一點裹足不前,因為我怕風吹來以後我不往更好的方向去,

或將面對無法承受的打擊,無法掌控的人生。盡量不讓自己痛苦,傷心,失
                                                                               
控,結果是失去了一點點靈魂,失去了一點光。我和哈洛有沒有一點像?我
                                                                               
不知道。
                                                                               
                                                                               
今天早上我又望著小盆栽發呆,第六片葉子長出來了。我心想我到底在幹麻
                                                                               
呢?有的人(植物)一抓緊機會就吸取陽光吸取水,一眠大三吋,面對火熱的
                                                                               
太陽也已經可以不畏光了,我到底在怕什麼呢?小時候拿著畫筆想像自己是
                                                                               
大畫家,卻只是把雙手搞得紅黃藍綠的模樣,那傻氣哪兒去了?
                                                                               
                                                                               
往後,當我不願意動作的時候,請提醒我不動的角色在故事中是多麼無用。
                                                                         


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    bluefay

    Notes that bring me back to myself

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